but why is that right when the day that you have been waiting for ages to come, and you have been so excited to come, doesn’t appeal to you any longer. I’m not as excited as I was two months ago, a month ago, a week a go, or a day ago. 

Right when you get what you want, why do you question it?  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that it’s happening, but still a bit worried. 

Maybe it’s because everythings going to change now.

is the last day of this, tomorrow night is the beginning of a fresh new start, of freedom and of not living in fear and hate. Beyond stoked. 

If you feel good, don’t try to analyze why because the more you chase after the feeling the more it will slip away from you.

The time had come to let go, let go of old habits and dreams. I’m ready to move on and see what’s out there. It’s one thing to say your going to let go, it’s another to actual do it. To loosen your grip, and let yourself fall.

I guess when your heart gets broken you start to see the cracks in everything. 

Why are we always fighting? We are wasting too many precious moments when we keep arguing, in the end we will only regret this.

I’m tired of always living in fear. 

Not much to say anymore, kind of at a loss for words. This is dreadful.

My yearning for you still yet remains. It must of grown deep down inside my heart. Remembering the image of you leaving me…today, just like yesterday, it makes me cry. 

Today- well technically yesterday- since it’s 1am. 

On the outside everything probably seemed wonderful, but the inside was the complete opposite. Probably one of the worst days by far. And I don’t really know what to take of it, and how to react to it. 

One thing I learnt,

Don’t assume anything. You really do make an ass out of yourself. I might of not shown on the outside for it, but deep down inside, I gotta admit, I’ve regretted a lot. 

Deciding to deactivate Facebook for good. It’s not like I really do anything with it, and it’s not like anyone even talks to me on it anymore. I just waste countless hours of time on it, when I could seriously be doing something way more productive that could not only actually benefit me, but also make me feel better about myself. I go through Facebook and see all my so called “friends” and all their pictures of parties and places they go to, and all I think to myself is, “why can’t i look like them?”, “why did they never invite me?”, “why..this, why that.” i just get more pathetic and negative. So all I know is, it’s time to do it. Hopefully this lasts a long time. 

Am I going to hell for this? I feel like such a terrible daughter and person. But, I want him gone or dead. Is this normal? I don’t think I can stand this much longer. I wish he would finally leave so I can finally breathe. 

It’s either he leaves or I kill myself. I feel like I’m suffocating in this house. Okay, maybe- I wouldn’t kill myself- sorry for being dramatic- but I feel like thats how far I would go,

I wish he would just leave, I don’t think I can stay strong any longer. 

I never asked for this, I can’t deal with this, and it’s not fair. 

I know he’s sick, and it’s not his fault, but why in the world do I have to be the one being forced to live with it. 

I know I sound childish, but I’m allowed to be selfish once in a while right? 

Before I know it, my life is going to flash before my eyes, and I’m not going to have anything to look back on- 

my life consists of this hollow house, full of hatred, lies, secrets and regret. 

Kind of starting to sound like my life too. 

I don’t want these four walls to shape the rest of my life.

It’s hard to stay strong all the time. Trying so hard not to break down. But the truth is tonight when I lay my head on my bed, I will look back on my day, and tears will pour down my face, because today was probably one of the hardest days I’ve had to go through, it was one of the hardest. I’m just glad today is over. Night, sleep well everyone. To anyone else who had a hard day today, I’m here if you need to talk, and also I’m thinking of you, you’re not alone. And remember its alright to break down once and a while and not always be strong. Sweet dreams.